do herpes really smell.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
