Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
