Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
