She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
