craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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