vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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