saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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