THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize