a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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