Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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