i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
