I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
