I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
