i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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