You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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