you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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