just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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