We're facebook friends in real life
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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