I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
