they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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