Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
