i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
