Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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