Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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