you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
