Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
