Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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