I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
