:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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