i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
