My first STD was from a foam party
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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