In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
