You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
