i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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