Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
