these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
