I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
