Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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