just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
