I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
