is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
