but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
