A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
