the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
