walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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