You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
