You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
