I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That accounts for only three of the penises
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
