This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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