Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
